Reflection

I feel like the past 2 weeks have been very draining, well let me rephrase 2+ years. Lots of unnecessary drama. Yesterday my cup was running over with emotions of anger, doubt, sadness. I had by breaking point...once again. I really try to forgive and forget but some people just make it really hard!

Heard some disturbing news that just really upsets me. Still upsets me. How can one person be so cruel and pure hateful is beyond me. Disliking me from day 1 when all I've ever did was treated them kindly and with respect.

I'm sorry everything doesn't revolve around you 24/7. I'm sorry when I came into the family I took the spotlight off of you (the spotlight I never wanted). I'm sorry you are jealous of the things I have (But I work my ass off to get them and you don't even work). I'm sorry I actually get along with my husband and you don't with yours. I'm sorry that you are insecure with yourself so you have to say hateful things about me. I'm sorry you are immature, selfish, and childish (for a 25 year old! GROW UP). I'm sorry I'm not like everyone else and won't let you walk all over me. I'm sorry I call you out on your BS, but someone has to.

But when you talk about me behind my back I always hear about it (Always! Because believe it or not those people know you for the REAL you and inform me of your fakiness. Asking how can I be polite/nice to you when you say...) So when you say you don't talk about me that doesn't show you in a good light other than you are a liar and fake. When you tell people "You don't think I'm the right girl for Wes" ONLY because you and me don't get along, I don't look like the other girls he dated, and I'm a girly girl AFTER WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 2+ years is beyond crossing the line. What gives you the right to judge my marriage when yours is SOOO messed up (arguments, cops involvement, jail, fights, yelling, etc). When you say things like that the jealously runs out.

All the while texting my husband trying to manipulate him. Saying how much you miss him (when in reality you don't like him. Y'all were never friends he just endured you for his brother), how everything I said about you wasn't true (when in reality he knows it's the truth because some of the things have come directly from his mouth. Plus he has seen every text/email you've ever sent), and their failed closeness is due to me (which in reality there was never a closeness. Maybe in your head).

You're working hardcore trying to be the victim and manipulate how you can. Well honey I see right through it and I laid down the law yesterday. I refuse to let a poison into my life like that. It's one thing to be hateful towards me I can take it, but to meddle in my relationship is another thing. That is just spiteful and evil. Pure evil. I would NEVER say the things to your husband as you did mine, but that just shows I'm the better person than you. I will never trust, respect, or speak to someone like that. So if I'm quiet at family functions and don't acknowledge you it's your fault. You broke that.

Even if you are "family". Just because we have the same last name does not make us family. A family doesn't do that. Even if hell freezes over and they actually admit and apologize it will take all my might to accept it. You don't mess with me and my family. Plain and simple. I didn't really think people like that existed, but they do and I have no problem what so ever cutting them out.

With all that being said. It makes me sad. I'm all about people making mistakes and forgiving. But I just don't think I can do it with this one. And then it angers me because that's a HORRIBLE way of thinking. Is this a test? Is God testing me? Which lead into my scripture reading for the evening. I know I don't understand or see the reason for me going through all this right now, but I'm hoping SOON I can see. Everything has a purpose right?!

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Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you
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"We are not bound to trust an enemy; but we are bound to forgive him."
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Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
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It is not uncommon for Christians to have questions about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we've been injured. We don't naturally overflow with mercy, grace and forgiveness when we've been wronged.

Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.
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The word "to forgive" means "to cease to feel resentment." It has nothing to do with whether or not you want to hang out with the other person.

Attend to each moment of your life and make each moment of your life work for you. As you grow stronger as a person, you will find those old hurts gradually fading away. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time.
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Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.
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So................. for now I will just keep trying and praying and trying and praying...all I can really do now.

I'll end on a good note. Aiden! :-) Just some pictures I took over the weekend. Our future gamer. lol